Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
