We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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