my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
