just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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