Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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