Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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