I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
