Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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