did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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