do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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