first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize