Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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