After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I want a musical about memes.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize