i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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