You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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