Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
