Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
