Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
