fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
