yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
