So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
be right there i have to get my cape
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
