I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
