There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Randomize