I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
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jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
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I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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