What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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