it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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