Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
