Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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