I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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