It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
