i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
