just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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