I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
