just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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