just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
