i barfeds in our rink
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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