dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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