what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
