Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
