i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
