somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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