Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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