i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Randomize
