every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
