can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
