I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Randomize
