I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
