he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
