i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
