the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
