I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
