You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
