How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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