i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
