that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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