Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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