He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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