As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Randomize
