If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
