my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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