i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
