i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
