I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
