Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
