i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
